This is where I want to go

She didn’t mean it so I told her don’t worry and she sucked at her teeth and exhaled. There was a tiny step in her breathing, a hiccup in that whole outwards breath and she drew her hands up and through her hair to the ceiling. My heart flared a little bit and I trod down hard on the floorboards but took her wrist. Bought it to my lips and kissed it – round and damp but firm like you know me baby. She gestured outside and said we need to find something and I didn’t know exactly what she meant but thinking what the hell close enough. She was chewing her cheek and fixed me with this warning squint, sortof a wary kid-glare that makes your ears twitch for an answer which I thought was sweet because it clamoured for confidence like please say yes please please. And so I said sure and thought it’ll make sense and I let my heart take my arms to her waist-side. I pulled her in and let it out so it felt like a flurry of drifting snowflakes and plus it was cold and plus I love her like don’t you dare even look you - . And I bowed my head and buried my face in her neck which was both soft and hard and flavoured with salty discontent. My heartbeat beat three-four thinking about hoisting her up onto my hips and getting the hell out there then like prairie desperation but I held my ground and just looked round the room feeling her pulling fists and cramming close a million miles from no's. Oh oh oh hiccups, breaking little pink rosebud oh's. And I stroked her hair and thought fierce of the rain. For all this breaking of teeth we're gonna go - Amy, oh Amy, my Amy -